Here is to a better year.

We live in an atmosphere of fear and confusion. We are bombarded with recalls, news of contaminated foods, and investigative reports of mishandling of power. Our trust factor is at zero. We have newspapers endorsing candidates. I thought newspapers were objective. We have celebrities claiming their favorite candidate is right. Why does good acting make one a political expert? We explain things as black and white rather than tones of grey. Why must we word “pro life” or “pro choice”, what about pro lives- mother and fetus? We read only negative or bad and provocative news. Where did all the good go?
As the New Year begins can newspapers think before they report? Can they use the oath, as do doctors, of “do no harm”? Can we see joy? Can we celebrate good things before our own final recall?

Published in CT School Psychologist, Vol.13, 3 p.9

One Size Does Not Fit All -Carolyn R. Falk Ph.D., retired School Psychologist
Wouldn’t it be ideal if all schools were like Lake Woebegone, “…… all the students are above average? But students run the spectrum of challenged to gifted. Programs have been created to address the differences. Over time we have seen special schools, self contained classrooms, and mainstreamed. We have tried modifications and accommodations. No child left behind has been mandated. Funding has been squeezed to the bone to provide catch up assistance.
Schools have tried labeling and classifying students’ needs in order to facilitate meeting these needs. Giving challenged students a label seemed to violate their privacy. All detection of their special classes was not differentiated on a diploma. Many parents wanted their child to have any extra help that was available, but for the child not to know he was getting it. All children were encouraged to believe that they could be brain surgeons no matter what their ability or even worse, no matter what their talent.
What about honoring individual strengths? One size does not fit all. Not everyone is meant to be a brain surgeon. I, for one, don’t want a surgeon who requires extra time. How can we mandate “no child left behind” when we feel that “ahead” is the same for all?
Years ago I took a middle school team to a competition for “gifted students” called “Odyssey of the Mind”. The team had to create a solution to a pre described problem. To be eligible for the gifted program in that school system, a student needed an IQ of 138 or higher. The team was made of highly academically motivated children. But it was lacking a diversity of other types of gifts. We needed a motivator, a team spirit person, and most of all, a practical thinker. When we invited friends and interested students to join the team, we had a winner. When students’ strengths were validated, all benefited.
When parents and schools appreciate the uniqueness of all students and build on their strengths, Lake Woebegone will seem like a distant second.

Open Letter to Bin Ladin

Please explain to me why we all should convert to Islam. What is the purpose of all being the same? If we were all the same, did the same, thought the same, why get up each morning? Each day would be the same, very much like I image prison life. Speaking of imagine, why imagine? Why think of new ideas? Why be creative?
For myself, a female of advancing age, I applaud the diversity of the world. I respect our differences and become more alive because of the flow of ideas. My husband and I have walked side by side for almost fifty years. When he trips, I am there to pick him up, and when I falter he is there to guide me. We process differently, we think differently. No one is better than the other, but because of our differences, we are still exciting to each other.
When I wonder about a world all the same, I look to nature for an example. What if there was only one kind of flower. Let’s say a rose. The beautiful red rose. Now all we see is red roses. Our vision would be come blinded by and indifferent to their beauty. It is only when there are red, yellow, blue pink and so on of all different flowers that I can appreciate each one. Only by respecting the unique margin of difference of each creature, religion, and culture, can there be peace on earth.

Published in CT School Psychologist

View from a Retired School Psychologist (reprint from CT School PSychologst)
I often wondered how parents could be so stubborn. I couldn’t understand why they didn’t appreciate all that the schools were doing for their child. I expected to be garnished with praise for my careful testing and reporting. I wondered why they didn’t applaud when I spoke at PPTs.
Not only was I a Ph.D. but a mother and grandmother. Surely I knew what was best. Our team was comprised of educators who had studied how to educate the perfect child. We saw their child as he or she related to others of the same grade or age. We knew best.
After retirement three years ago, my ego seemed to retreat as did my short term memory. I began to understand the reason for the snafu’s. Their child was not our child. Our agenda was to educate, parents agenda is to protect. It didn’t matter who was right. It mattered that we were all on the same team.
Parents have a most important input. They know their child in the non school environment. They need to show us that their child’s behavior problem was not a genetic factor and that their learning problem did not come form their side of the family.
When we highlight the strengths of the child, the abilities first, we help parents see that we might know their child at least a little. It is necessary for the team to accept the definition of insanity; that is doing the same thing, the same way, over and over, and expecting different results. The team needs to agree on the goal and the responsibilities of each team member; most of all- the child. Parents want the school to take responsibility; schools want the parents to agree to their part. What is often overlooked is what the child’s part is in his or her learning experience.
Only when the attitude of respect and cooperation is achieved by all parties, will there be any change in the learning behaviors.
Carolyn R. Falk, Ph.D. (Vol. 13, # 2 , 2007)

Rites of Passage

Governor M. Jodi Rell says she wants strict penalties for those students who make Bomb threats. I agree, but ask myself how did this happen? Why do children think it is “cool” to call in a bomb threat? When did pranks cross the line? Perhaps it is when parents stopped parenting and tried to be “cool” with their children. Perhaps it is when parents and society accepted more and more anti social behaviors as a “right of passage”.
Each Halloween, when I see toilet paper strewn across the trees, I can’t help think about the tress that gave up their lives to make the paper and those countries that can’t afford to have any. How about the eggs that are thrown at houses? How many children go hungry while our youngsters enjoy their right of passage?
Pranks have been going on for years. I’m sure I was involved in many. The difference is that we were accountable for our actions, and whatever I did, I had to apologize and clean it up. My parents did condone my actions and I learned responsibility and accountability. I learned to see and care about others.
What our children have learned is to lack respect and consideration for others as their right of passage. Today it is bomb threats, tomorrow …?

I often wonder how did we get into the Iraq situation, and just as important, how do we get out? It seems whatever we do will make matters worse. Then I read an email from the Republican Party for fundraising.
“The most important job for the federal government is to protect the American people from harm. And the best way to do that is to stay on the offense against the terrorists and defeat them overseas so we do not have to face them again here in America.”
I have to believe that President Bush believes that we can win a war where the enemy is not an Army but people’s ideas and fears. I remember a quote of Golda Meyer when asked when there can be peace in the Middle East. She said, “When the Palestinians love their children more than they hate us.” This seems to sum up what has happened to us. How can we reason either by words or ammunition to terrorists that will proudly use a child to decapitate an enemy? How can we negotiate with a culture that says Allah wants you to kill the infidels (anyone who believes differently)?
The very people we want to help be free of tyrants and genocide still are victims of sectarian differences. If we leave, surely all we gained is lost. If we stay we lose our sons and daughters. When is enough, enough?
Americans are many things, we tend to be proud and loud, we tend to be naïve and charitable. We most definitely love our children. We may or not believe in an afterlife, but we do believe that doing good while we are on the earth, can’t hurt.
Fear is a powerful motivator. But in our attempt to allay our fears, are we creating doom?

Tuck it, nip it, suck it out, whatever we do it is in the name of looking young. Why can’t we admire the wisdom in a face of someone who has lived? Age is an honored state and we are so disgusted by it that we worship the youthful look of someone who hasn’t even thought about it. Can’t we have a role model of aged women, with the wrinkles of experience and the eyes deep with concern? Each gray hair tells a story of survival. Her arms are strong from holding grandchildren. Wouldn’t it be amazing if fashion houses designed a collection for these mothers of our nation? It would give is all something to admire and age to be something to look forward to.